2014: A Year of Connection and Gratitude

"Loving oneself is no easy matter...because it means loving all of oneself, including the shadow where one is inferior and socially so unacceptable. The care one gives this humiliating part is the cure...(but) the moral dimension can never be abandoned. Thus is the cure a paradox requiring two incommensurables: the moral recognition that these parts of me are burdensome and intolerable and must change, and the loving, laughing acceptance which takes them just as they are, joyfully, forever. One both tries hard and lets go, both judges harshly and joins gladly." ~ James Hillman (Psychologist)

I've fought in the battle of self-confidence and self-acceptance for pretty much my entire adult life (and even some parts of my childhood). Sometimes I feel great, and other times I wonder if I'm anywhere near where I'm "supposed" to be. But then again, where am I supposed to be? Really?

As I sit back and reflect on this very rhetorical question, and how I can change things during this universal time of contemplation and renewal, two thoughts come to mind. I'd like to share them both.

First, I've been using the wrong barometer, a very misguided source of measurement. Others. Yes, I'm a self-proclaimed compare-aholoic. I am going to be fully open right now and admit that this has been a life-long struggle for me. I look at others to determine who I should and should not be. While I think this is a natural human tendency, I don't want it to be a habit for me anymore. I realize that this draw toward comparison will never fully disappear, but it can become a rare struggle rather than a regular one. 

The only way I will gain more confidence is to take stock in who I am, where I am at, and where I am going. I have to stop comparing my outtakes to others' highlights. Instead of judging others, I want to get to know them. Because, as I've learned through the experience of mentors with more life experience than me, the only way to combat this evil addiction is to connect to others - to form bonds, share empathy, and live life right alongside them. I want to use these struggles to create connection with others. 

Second, I need to make gratitude a daily habit. Gratitude is the enemy of comparison (thank you for this realization Brene Brown). It took me a long time to really "get" this concept. When I am grateful, I focus on the fact that who I am and what I have is more than enough. I no longer need to wish; I can be filled with joy and gratitude exactly where I'm at. Because joy and gratitude are not results, they are dispositions. Gratitude and joy don't present themselves because something great happens; something great happens because I am full of joy and gratitude. 

Now, I'm not saying this in a "if I just focus on the good, nothing bad will ever happen" mindset. That is just silly. I've lived long enough to understand that life is not a cake-walk. But I have noticed that the more I make gratitude and connection the two things I strive for, the more fulfilling and joyful life becomes. 

So as we begin this new year full of hope, possibility, and mystery (in just a matter of hours!) I make this resolution: to connect rather than compare; to approach life with gratitude rather than expectations, and to use myself as the new barometer for growth.